What Serving in Belize Has Taught Me About Leadership, Vulnerability, and Mentorship

It’s hard to believe I have 5 months left in Belize. I have been placed in unique position where reflection is now part of my daily routine, flexibility is a non-negotiable and having expectations is overrated if you want to be present more. This next post in my 5 part series covers lessons learned as a leader. I hope to take these lessons back home and utilize them not only in my professional life but in my day to day interactions with people.

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I am 9 rotations into my time here. Five of those I have served as the Rehab Director. It’s been a learning process personally and professionally. Honestly, this whole experience has been a learning process.

In the US, I can count on one hand the number of jobs I have had where a director or manager was really engaged, present, and knew their team well. My first job out of PT school was one of those places. Granted, it was a small team, but her door was always open. She mentored, led, collaborated, and supported our team well. I often think of her — and the few others I have had the privilege of working under — when I think about the kind of leader I want to be.

I am also a self-help junkie, so I’ve read a lot of books on being a leader, communication, decision making, habits, vulnerability, branding…you name it, I’ve probably highlighted it and bookmarked it. One of the recurring themes in many of these books is vulnerability. Years ago, I would have not thought vulnerability is a top five trait a leader should have. But as I’ve grown into my career and honestly into my own personality, I think vulnerability should be non-negotiable.

Why?

Because you are a human being leading other human beings.

Student, manager, director, CEO — to get to the top, you had to start where many of your team members are currently at. The further up you go, the easier it is to become removed from where your team members are and where you used to be. The responsibilities get heavier, the demands get heavier, and if you are not careful, the disconnect to you team can also get heavier.

In my role now, my door is always open — partially because it’s too damn hot to keep it closed and we have no A/C anyhow. But also because I genuinely want students and staff to feel comfortable enough to walk in. I collaborate and strategize not only with my executive director and the other department directors, but also with my students. I have said this many times and I guess it’s time to admit it out loud: I do not think being a clinic director of a clinic in the US is in the cards for me. Unless it is my own clinic; but I have seen the demands in many settings and it’s not for me.

What I really want is to be the “middle-woman”, the liaison if you will, between staff and upper management. I like problem solving. I like mentoring. I like helping ideas come together. I like seeing gaps and figuring out how to fill them. Here, the middle-woman is kind of taken out of the picture because of how closely I work with students, providers, and staff members from all disciplines. There’s less buffering. Less hierarchy. Less pretending everyone has it all together.

I think that’s part of why this experience has exposed so many areas of growth for me — like an open fracture after a traumatic injury. Hard to ignore. Hard not to immediately attend to. My strengths have definitely hypertrophied a bit too, but the weak spots? Those have definitely been exposed.

I think for years I hid the creator side of myself because I did not feel that support was always there. I have always been interested in solving problems to help others in need, usually outside of my normal job duties. Sometimes when these ideas were brought to the attention of my direct report, it was not always received well. Usually there was caution — liability concerns, company support concerns, or reasons why something probably would not work. Understandably so. At the end of the day, I was an employee of their company.

However, the leader I needed was one who encouraged me to dig deeper into the why.

>>Why did I want to go above and beyond for patients?
>>Why did I consider contracting myself out to help patients and their families transition home across the country?
>>Why did I want more non-clinical responsibilities?

I needed a leader who wanted to know me as an individual AND stay curious about my interests. Someone who allowed space for me to express those interests vulnerably and collaboratively instead of immediately looking at whether it fit neatly into a role description.

As a result, I hid that creator part of myself.

I did not push back. I cautiously ask for more or not at all. Part of that was insecurity. Part of it was not wanting to come off as “aggressive”. And honestly, part of it was the survival mode I had been in for years, showing up in ways I did not fully understand at the time.

Since being in Belize, I feel like I’ve been given a redemption opportunity — a chance to reignite that part of myself and rebuild confidence that maybe I can take risks on myself.

At the same time, being here has exposed those parts of me that have been operating in that survival mode.

>>Fear of failure leading to procrastination.

>>Overworking myself to pay off debt while also avoiding sitting with feelings of resentment and discontent with my career.

>>Crying periodically in meetings with managers or directors because I did not feel heard — or because I was afraid to fully admit that working 50+ hours a week while also being a sole caregiver was slowly eating away at my ambition.

Here, I have had to shed the guise of having it all together. I’ve had to let go of trying to control every hour of my day and actually attend to myself as a human being too. It has not been easy. I still falter, isolate, and forget I have huge support systems locally and back home.

But serving in a smaller organization has reminded me that collaboration plays a much larger role when decisions have just as much — if not more — impact on the people around you. >Delegation of tasks is necessary, but staying in the loop matters too; not just how the task is going, but how the person responsible for the task is doing. Creating a safe space not only for rehab students, but also for students from other disciplines to share ideas, ask questions, or provide feedback is necessary for growth, resilience, and connection.

Where I used to think I needed to have all the answers, serving here has reminded me that transparency trumps vague, politically correct responses. And honestly? I think people connect more deeply when you admit that instead of pretending otherwise.

Leading is not linear because being human is not linear.

I imagine that if another leadership or management role comes next for me, it will expose another learning curve and another part of myself that needs growth. I have been able to be more of myself here and, in return, it has allowed for deeper and more intentional connections with the people around me. I think that’s what has made this experience memorable — not just the work itself, but the people attached to it.